


i don’t need no lip, just a whole lotta lovin’

by kesmejohel



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Blatant objectifying of Matt Murdock's many assets, Crack-ish?, Gen, Harassment?, accidental angst, i don't know how to tag this omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5713732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kesmejohel/pseuds/kesmejohel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt keeps overhearing things and it’s a struggle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don’t need no lip, just a whole lotta lovin’

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea how this turned out kinda semi-angsty when this was supposed to be crack?????

”Oh, would you look at _him._ " An older woman sighs to her lady friend somewhere at the very back of the coffee shop queue as Matt is placing his order at the counter.

 

The coffee machine in their office had _mysteriously_ broken down and while Foggy insisted that he was heartbroken over the whole thing, his sigh of relief when Karen had finally let the matter go had been unmistakeable. Matt had wisely kept his mouth shut and just smiled, and so it was decided that until they could get a new one they were on rotating coffee duty.

 

Today was his turn, and he already regretted every choice in his life leading up to this point.

 

"Huh? Who? Oh, him. Yes, he's very handsome. Too bad he's blind." Her friend shrugs unrepentantly when she gasps in mock-outrage.

 

"Beatrice! You can't say that, that's so rude." She giggles and swats at her friend playfully.

 

Matt grimaces at the casual ableism but perks up when his name is called by the barista, before he hastily makes his way out of the coffee shop with his cane and coffees in hand.

 

*

 

"God _damn_ , that ass." He's tapping along the sidewalk on his way home when he hears a random man exclaim from the other side of the street. 

 

Matt frowns disapprovingly at his choice of words.

 

"Bro.” The man elbows his friend in the ribs who in turn had been engrossed in something on his handheld game console, and it makes a sad, defeated little jingle in his hands.

 

" _Fuck,_ man! What?! You made me lose my game." The other guy snarls before turning to look at whatever has snared his friend's attention.

 

"Oh, shit.” Matt feels himself flush in indignation and embarrassment and he hurries along faster, but not before he hears both of them start to leer after him.

 

"The things I'd do to him, man. The dude looks like an underwear model or something." The first man wolf-whistles and his eyes burn like a brand on Matt's retreating back.

 

”You could probably bounce a dime off that ass.”

 

Their sleazy laughter follows him all the way to his apartment.

 

*

 

"God did something right when he made him, I'm just saying."

 

Matt grits his teeth together and prays for patience, standing right outside of the bodega and waiting for Foggy to re-emerge.

 

"Right? I wouldn't mind having him model for me for that sculpting assignment. I bet he’s hiding a smoking hot body under that dress jacket.” Two college-aged girls whisper to each other on the outdoor patio of the pastry shop next door, leisurely munching on freshly baked cinnamon rolls.

 

"Wait, you _still_ haven't finished it yet? You're supposed to turn that in next week! Seriously, what am I gonna do with you..." One of them sighs, clearly exasperated.

 

"What? It takes time for me to find inspiration, okay? But I'm definitely feeling inspired now." The other waggles her eyebrows and sing-songs  _bow-chicka-bow-wow_ under her breath.

 

" _Shh!_ Not so loud! Jesus, he's blind not deaf, you idiot."

 

Matt smiles wryly despite himself and breathes a small sigh of relief when Foggy finally returns with a plastic bag in tow.

 

”Okay, game night at my place is officially a go!” Foggy raises the plastic bag in his hand in triumph and gives it a small shake, the beer cans inside of it clanking merrily against each other.

 

”I’m so gonna kick your ass in Monopoly this time, Murdock, just watch!” Matt laughs and takes hold of Foggy’s elbow, and together they start making their way towards Foggy’s apartment.

 

He's privately grateful that Foggy’s voice manages to drown out the girls’ chatter, for the most part.

 

*

 

"—know he doesn't eat lasagna. Something stupid about it being pasta cake or something, I don't even know." Matt turns into the frozen foods aisle, intending to take a shortcut to where they keep his preferred organic apple juice only to be hindered by a middle-aged woman talking into her cellphone in the middle of the aisle, blocking his path.

 

"Yeah. Yeah, totally. How about chicken curry? We haven't had that in a while." She shifts on her feet, cocking her hip.

 

"Excuse me. Sorry." Matt murmurs with a tight smile as he tries to brush past the woman.

 

"Oh! No— No problem." She stutters and moves out of the way, audibly flustered.

 

"Listen, did you hear that? You'll never believe this. Right, so this stupidly good looking guy just bumped into me and get this, _he was blind!_ — Right! Oh my god, I should've gotten his number—" The woman gushes into her phone when she thinks Matt is out of earshot.

 

He makes a very hasty retreat, cheeks aflame.

 

*

 

He's on a lunchbreak with Karen at a local restaurant when he hears a camera shutter going off, making him tense in surprise and alarm.

 

Karen whips her head around in an instant and honest to God _hisses_.

 

"Are you kidding me?!" Karen twists around in her chair properly and calls out to a startled guy sitting a few tables away from them.

 

”I’m— I’m really sorry! It's just... Your boyfriend has really lovely dimples when he smiles. I couldn't resist!" The guy grins, a little uneasy and embarrassed at getting caught but still fairly unruffled.

 

Matt is mortified to the extreme and feels a headache coming on.

 

"He's— He's not my boyfriend! He's my boss!" Karen stutters, red to the tips of her hair but nevertheless gets up from her seat and starts advancing towards the man, "He's also a really good lawyer so if you don't delete that _right now,_ I swear to God—"

 

"Okay, okay! Jeez, I already said I'm sorry." The photographer mumbles, visibly cowed, "There, it's gone. See? I deleted it." He fumbles with his phone and shows it to Karen, irritation bleeding into his body language. 

 

Matt knows he's telling the truth but Karen isn't so easily appeased.

 

"Karen, really, it's okay." He sighs before Karen can start again, their salads all but forgotten, and reaches out for her elbow when she makes her way back to their table.

 

"It's really not, Matt! _And you!_ " Karen raises her voice again and turns back to the guy, and her expression must have been something else because the man's heartbeat skyrockets in anxiety. Matt winces in sympathy.

 

"Next time you plan on sneaking pictures of unsuspecting people remember to turn the fucking flash off, _Terry Richardson_." Karen spits before storming out with Matt, the wide gazes of the other patrons of the corner cafe following after them.

 

”Karen—” Matt starts when they're a couple of blocks away, but Karen turns around in a huff and cuts him off.

 

”Why are you so calm about this? Has this happened to you before? _That creep took a picture of you!_ ”

 

”Yeah.” Matt says evenly, suddenly exhausted and miserable. All he wants is to get back to work and then just go _home._

 

”Believe it or not, I'm pretty used to it by now.” Though he hasn't exactly been ”papped” like that before, or at least not in his civilian clothes.

 

Karen must have picked up on his sour mood because her reply is much more subdued.

 

”Well.. I guess what they say about being beautiful being a struggle has some truth to it, huh?” Karen chuckles half-heartedly and offers her arm to him, belatedly blushing at her own slip.

 

”Let’s just— get back before Foggy starts wondering where we are.”

 

Matt manages a small smile in thanks, but it's entirely for her benefit.

 

*

 

"I'd ride him like a mechanical bull at a state fair." A drunk woman speaks around a mouthful of hot dog, leaning against a food truck.

 

Her friends pay her no mind, as drunk as she is. They all had most likely just stumbled out of a nearby club to satisfy their hunger pangs, Matt muses as he pulls his scarf closer to himself, the biting evening air turning the tip of his nose and ears pink.

 

He's _positive_ that the woman’s lewd comment has nothing to do with it.

 

"Can you imagine though? Eating him out until he cries—"

 

” _Shut up_ Stefani, I’m trying to eat this pita falafel in peace!” One of her friends yells and throws her hands up, bits of salad and falafel filling dropping to the ground.

 

Matt hurries past them, the clicking of his cane suddenly muffled by the blood rushing in his ears.

 

”Ugh, Brittany you’re so messy. This is why I never go out with you!” A loud argument starts up and he can barely make it out when one of the other women in the group pipes up,

 

”They don’t even make lipsticks that red.”

 

Referring to his mouth.

 

 _I’m going to hang up the Daredevil suit and barricade myself inside the apartment and stay there until the end of civilization_ , Matt decides then and there. 

 _At least Foggy will be happy_ , he muses with rosy cheeks as he listens to the sounds of the women’s bickering getting farther and farther away.

 

How was this his life?

 

**Author's Note:**

> matt has a fat ass and the citizens of hell's kitchen are very appreciative to matt's eternal horror and embarrassment. <3
> 
> i barely proofread this, so welp. and the title is from DJ Mustard's Whole Lotta Lovin'. yeahhh........


End file.
